Halloween Etiquette

The older I get the more certain things annoy me. I hate calling a customer care center, only to reach someone with no clear command of the English language. Similarly, colloquial speech in professional settings also grinds my gears and I really can’t tolerate when people (myself included) ignore signs; not just directional symbols, but also the actions and behaviors of others. Keener observation would improve our lives exponentially, but that is another blog entry.

My current state of aggravation stems from my recent Halloween experience. It is probably my least favorite among all the holidays for a myriad of reasons. Unpredictable weather probably tops my list of most obvious reasons. The northeast already experiences all four seasons in one day, but autumn, like spring, which I call transitional periods, can kick up unpredictability several notches. As days grow shorter, limiting our exposure to the sun’s warming rays, we are seldom treated to a steady descent in temperature. Instead October 31 can find itself on any line of the thermometer. This year, the night temp did a nasty nose dive.

The more subtle reason for my lack of enthusiasm can be traced to early childhood when my grandparents’ utter disdain for the day became clear. Hard-working, extremely proud and unfamiliar with the ritual’s historic significance, all they saw were children begging, which was unacceptable.

“If these children want candy, we can afford to buy it,” my grandfather would grumble.

It didn’t take long for me to embrace and adopt their attitude. While my preteen peers walked through the better neighborhoods, ringing bells, I gladly stayed home and watched television.

As I’ve grown older, I’ve also discovered society’s dependence on sugar and struggled with my own addiction. No doubt the childhood Halloween candy binge has produced a number of diabetic adults. I am a huge advocate for healthier snacks and applaud those who opt to hand them out in place of candy. However, those homes develop a reputation early in the day and experience a huge decline in foot traffic.

This year I was particularly disturbed by the disproportionate number of teenagers in poorly-planned, hastily constructed costume, soliciting treats. Not only were they too old, they were also aggressive and rude. While out getting some last-minute items for my own costume, I noticed several businesses along Church Avenue in Flatbush (Brooklyn, USA) handing out treats. While I think it’s a great way to thank their patrons with children, I have to wonder if it’s a wise business decision for establishments that sell candy to give it away. One creative Chinese take-out joint gave fortune cookies, which I thought was great.

“Who the #%*@ wants a fortune cookie?” yelled an ungrateful, poorly-costumed teen.

From the bulging sack he held, it looked as though he’d been shaking down folks all day. I know if I’d found him on my door step, I’d have to wonder if he came for the Snickers or my DVD player. Of course Cousin Michelle can flash a beatific smile as she passes out candy to a group of carefully-screened children, but how wide would that smile be if she happened upon Shaq, dressed as Shrek?

While I don’t believe Halloween is strictly for children, I do believe trick or treating is and if there is a question about whether your child is too old, here is a general rule of thumb. If they can no longer fit the children’s costumes in your local Walgreens, it is finished. Give up the ghost.